Who Knew?

So I'm reading 20 Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew (by Sherrie Eldridge) and I learned a fascinating little factoid. If adopted kids know what their biological parents look like, or were at least told what they looked like, it is very common for the kids to choose mates who look like their biological parents (or how they picture them in their minds). My biological mother was Irish, with long red hair (much like me, although mine is bottle red. it does fit my white, freckled complexion though). And the guys I was attracted to in junior high (about the time I found out what my bio parents looked like) were the swarthy, Italian-looking types, Armand Assante, Jimi Jamison... And the ex-husband was Italian and had the dark hair & eyes that I always assumed my bio father had. They say that girls subconsciously choose men who remind them of their fathers, and it turns out was no different. I just chose guys who looked like the image of my bio father in my head. And by attempting to look like my bio mother, am I trying to recreate the dynamic of an ideal family? Even more bizarre, my current fiance reminds me of my adoptive father - not so much looks-wise, but in the way he acts and how he treats me. Do we ever really get away from our parents?

Dissertation: The Topic and Rules

I know I covered the topic I'm writing about in my first dissertation post, but I failed to mention how nerve-wracking that whole process was to me. I've seen dissertations and their topics seemed like they were written in a foreign language, all technical jargon and professional wordage. That has never been me. Because I went back to school at 39, and my vocabulary was pretty much set, acquiring the new psychological vocabulary has been almost impossible for me. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand what (most) of the words tossed about mean, but I have never understood why we have to use those big words when more common words were just as good. A practicum supervisor told me it was to separate ourselves from "the masses", to show that we had that extra schooling that everyone else lacked. Okay, I get that, we want to sound snooty and condescending to our clients, who are coming to us when they already feel like shit. Wait, why the fuck would we want to make people who are at their lowest feel worse about themselves? If I went to a therapist who used big 25 cent words when a 5 cent word is just as applicable, because they wanted to sound professional and "above me", I sure as hell wouldn't go back to them again.

Which takes us back to the topic. First rule, must be understandable by everyone. Maybe this isn't the proper dissertation format, but as long as I follow the rules of the dissertation and use the correct terminology within the research results portion of the paper, why can't the rest of it, the lit review and case studies, be in less technical language? This language rule effectively ruled out the more technical topics, because again, if I don't understand what I'm writing about, who else will? (besides the diehard psych professionals)

The second rule was that it had to be about something I cared about. I got that rule from a book on how to write a dissertation. If you are passionate about a topic, you're more likely to stay with it. If you're writing about something just to get a paper out of it, the chances are damn good that at the first sign of problems or boredom, you'll say "fuck this" and quit. From the previous topics I had considered, I had started to do research, locating several articles for the lit review. As I eventually ruled out all those topics, that meant that many hours of research was wasted. Why would I want to waste days/weeks/months starting a paper and quitting because I was bored?

The third rule was that I have to do something every single day related to the dissertation, be it researching articles, looking for books, planning my attack, whatever. Some days it's just talking to other people about, sort of feeling my way around it, getting ideas of where I'm going with it and what questions I want to answer. Since I found my topic, I've definitely been thinking about it a lot, with new ideas coming almost every day.

Those are my main rules. I'm sure once I get more into the process, I'll add more, as I like routine and order. Two of the books I ordered from Amazon arrived today, and I've already flipped through them. This dissertation journey is not only going to be a scholastic one, but a personal one. And quite honestly, I think that should be the real driving force behind a dissertation, not to just learn more about the topic, but also about yourself. What do you guys think? (anyone who might be reading these. and if so, thank you!)

The Dissertation

So I'm watching Julie and Julia and was inspired for a new blog topic, writing about the whole dissertation process. From the beginning - where I am right now - through the entire research process, the experimental data, the actual writing of it, and then the dreaded defense. Who knows, maybe it could become a book!

Dissertation: a fuck-long research paper with NEW research and information, in a written format of at least 80 pages, to be completed before they'll give you your PhD degree and call you doctor.

I admit that I am way behind some of my cohort as I have yet to begin my dissertation, despite having completed 4 of my 5 years of courses. This isn't to say that it hasn't been on my mind pretty much from the moment I was accepted into the PhD program. The research and writing portion don't scare me, I'm good at those. What scares me is finding a topic that can be stretched out to at least 80 pages and puts new information "out there", in a world where almost every single topic has been researched and written about forever. Many topics captured my attention, and were considered. The first was to study the brain scans of serial killers to see if there is a difference in scans between those of Caucasian men and men of other races. This topic came to be while watching Criminal Minds with a friend who asked why it is that 85% of serial killers are white males. Is there something in their brain make-up that differentiates them from other races? Since serial killers brain make-up is already different from "normal" people, would there be another difference from other races, and would that difference be the reason why the rates for white serial killers is so much higher? I loved that topic (and still do), but then reality crashed in. Where would I get all these brain scans? It's not like they're cheap and can be easily done at any medical facility or, more importantly, any prison. Soooo, scrapped that idea, but if I ever do end up working in the correctional system, this might be a topic I pursue.

The next topic was whether or not people who misinterpret musical lyrics also misinterpret social cues, thus decreasing their ability to form meaningful relationships with other people. This topic was an a ha moment while in the car with my fiance. "Every Breath You Take" came on the radio and we joked how many people considered it to be a romantic song and not what it really is, a song about a guy obsessed with a woman to the point of stalking her 24/7. This brought up the song "I Will Always Love You" and how many people play that as "their" song at their wedding. For fuck's sake, the woman in the song is LEAVING the man. Which led me to question if those brainless twats had successful marriages, considering they couldn't even correctly listen and interpret the most important song of their lives. My advisor actually loved the idea, but it just didn't seem like a topic that could be successfully studied. It would require 2-4 separate questionnaires, which is almost impossible to get completed by all the subjects being researched.

Next came the idea combining atheism and therapy, which really didn't go anywhere. The final topic I seriously considered was arguing for the inclusion of Depressive Personality Disorder in the DSM. I honestly believe it should be, as it is different from Dysthymia. DPD is a pervasive disorder that is part of who a person is, opposed to dysthymia, which is how a person feels. I was going to include treatment options for DPD, and I might still use this topic if my advisor doesn't like my topic.

The topic is.... Is there a correlation between adoption and personality disorders? This topic was inspired by A. personal experience, and B. an article I read about a former Top Chef winner who was adopted. Her description of her life and feelings and experiences was so similar to mine, as well as many other kids I knew growing up who were adopted. We don't have a family history, so we never really feel like we belong anywhere. We also don't have anything to live up to, so it frees us from consequences for our behavior. Testing people's acceptance of us by doing stupid shit, because deep down we believe that no one can really love us for who were are. If the very first people in our lives didn't want us, who the hell would want us? There is obviously something fundamentally flawed about us. Yes, I know 99% of that is just our flawed thinking, but just because I know it doesn't change anything. I'd really like to discover if there is a link between Borderline Personality Disorder and adoption, which means I will be reading a lot of books on adoption and psychological evals of people who were adopted, as well as devising a questionnaire to help determine if a person does have BPD. Are the rates higher for kids who were adopted? Is there any correlation between when a child i told about the adoption and possible development of personality disorders? Do biological children affect the development? So many questions!

So, to begin on the process, I have ordered several books from Amazon on the topic. I'll be writing again after I start reading the books. If anyone is reading this, stay tuned!

Stuff about me

Do you ever see those "getting to know me" questionnaires on Facebook? I shamefully admit that I love them, because they often ask questions that I hadn't really considered before. The following is a recent questionnaire a friend posted, with some of the questions being answered in a way that would probably bore some people on Facebook, but I think deserve more than a few words or sentence. 

1. What is your full name?  Really? On the internet? Pfft.

2. Do you have a nickname?  Pede - from when I worked at Sprint, love that it's the same as my favorite Red Sox player, Dustin Pedroia - Mom, and Booger - what my fiance calls me, his nickname is Pooper. There's no disgusting backstory to them, we're just not into the whole "Honey", "Sweetie", "Baby" sort of thing, although I do call him "Honey" on occasion.

3. What is something you love? Could it be more vague? I love all sorts of things, food - a perfectly cooked, rare-as-fuck steak, fresh sushi, blueberries, apricots, Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla iced coffee... People - my sons, my fiance, my close friends... Animals - our dogs and lizard, all animals in general... Stuff - 99% of the music from the 70's and 80's, classic rock, hair metal, country music from the late 80's/early 90's, sappy love songs, basically anything that has a good vocalist and lyrics I can relate to...horror novels, psychological thrillers, anything by Stephen King, Jonathan Kellerman, Jeffrey Deaver... women's magazines and my bible, Entertainment Weekly... I'm not pretentious, I read for enjoyment, not knowledge. If I learn something while reading, that's great, but I've done the "reading to gain enlightenment" thing and I spent so much time and effort trying to get the message that I missed the story. I've now reached the age where if I'm not grabbed by a book from the beginning, I'm not going to force myself to finish it just because I think I should. Life is too short. Gotta do what you love - back full circle to the question.

4. Who is someone you would trust? With my life? My fiance. He has more than proved that he will always be there for me, no matter what. Which, I confess, sometimes makes me feel like I'm not worthy of such devotion, but as I've never had unconditional love in my life, it's so nice to have finally found it. 

5. Who is the last artist you listened to?  Are we talking what was on the radio or an artist I sought out to listen to? Because if it's the first one, Foreigner was on the radio with "Urgent". If it's the second, I guess it was Toto, right after their keyboard player died and I wanted to listen to their music, especially songs I hadn't heard in awhile. The next artist I plan to purposefully listen to are the Eagles, going to see them next month and there are a few songs on their setlist I don't know.

6. What is your favorite drink?  I have several. French Vanilla iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, Earl Grey tea, caramel macchiatos from Starbucks, Mountain Dew Baja Blast, and cherry-lime Dr. Peppers from Taco Box in Clovis, NM.

7. How tall are you? I used to be 5'3 3/4", but I've shrunk to 5'3". Getting shorter & wider. Yey.

8. Are you the jealous type? I used to be and I'm mostly over it, but I still get twinges when a good friend spends time with someone else, or if the fiance is a few minutes late. It all goes back to my beginning, when I was adopted at 2 days old. I have a theory that people who were adopted never really feel like they're 100% accepted because the person who was supposed to accept them from birth rejected them. It doesn't matter if the adoption was in the child's best interest and they're placed into a loving home in an open adoption, with access to their biological family. That feeling of not being wanted is there and nothing can fully take it away. Luckily I've found someone who I do trust 100%, so the jealousy factor is almost nil. But it still does pop up on occasion.

9. Do you forgive easily? No I don't, and I know that's a very bad trait to have, but it's who I am. I give people several chances, but once I cut them out of my life, that's it. And if that person has done something to screw me over or has blatantly lied to me, forget it. I've heard the adage that by not forgiving someone, you're giving them free rent in your mind, but I think that if you forgive and forget someone screwing you over, you're just asking for it to happen again. I've done that in the past and every single time I've lived to regret it.

10. What movie deserves a sequel? Very few, if any movies deserve sequels. I'm not talking about movies that come from series where sequels are almost guaranteed, but movies that were successful and someone decides to capitalize on that success with another movie. Which usually sucks ass, but enough people go see it that the producers are like, well hell, let's make another. A current example is Joe Dirt. An absolutely stupid movie, but because enough rednecks and white trash morons liked it, they're making a sequel. Or Dumb & Dumber Too. The people who go see movies like this are the reason that the movie "Idiocracy" is coming true and this country will soon be overrun by brainless idiots who live only to breed more idiots.

11. What is one thing a woman should never do? Why just women? Why no companion question for men? For safety's sake, go out drinking alone. Because even though "no means no" and most men wouldn't take advantage of an inebriated woman, you can't count on the goodness of strangers, particularly in a bar. Another thing is to dumb herself down to whatever the intelligence level is of the group of people she's in. If they're intimidated by her or feel less than, that's on them to improve themselves.

12. When was the last time someone hurt you? In April, when I found out that a fellow classmate couldn't be trusted. I had had my suspicions, but because he was always friendly and supportive, I made excuses for his affiliations with the class sociopath and pathological liar. Then I found out that my inner suspicions were true and it made me feel sick. If you associate with people of questionable character, there's usually a reason for it, and that reason is usually you're just like them.

13. What is your favorite kind of cereal? For this earth-shattering reveal, I will have to go with Blueberry Morning, BooBerry, and Apples and Cinnamon oatmeal. Except I rarely eat them for breakfast. I rarely eat breakfast, period.

14. What is one thing you always wanted as a kid, but never got? A little brother or sister. Being an only child (and my father's youngest child in his second marriage) meant I usually got what I wanted and never had to share, traits that don't carry over successfully in the adult world. Plus I don't understand the relationship between siblings, that loyalty that surpasses common sense when the rest of the world has written them off. So, a little brother or sister, or a horse. I honestly probably would've been happy with either.

15. If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your alias? Wow, a question I have never even thought of. What would you choose to be your name if given the option? Since I never had a daughter and my name for her would've been Amanda Beth, I'd probably go with that. Given my love of 70's/80's music, you can probably figure out where those names came from. If not, I'm not going to enlighten you, look it up and listen to them, then listen to the rest of the stuff by those artists, discover what music should be.

16. What is the nicest thing someone else has done for you? What does it say about me that I have to really think about this? I guess I'd have to say accept me unconditionally, although many people have helped me out over the years when I've really needed it. Oh and go to my 80's bands' concerts (thanks honey, love you!)

17. Are you homophobic? An emphatic, "Fuck no!" I have never ever understood the mentality of hating people because they are attracted to the same sex. It's NOT a choice, they are born that way, and trying to get them to change is comparable to having heterosexuals become gay/lesbian. I've said many times that I have a list of attractive women on my "If I Should Turn Lesbian" list, but I can honestly say that I have never once been sexually attracted to a woman. I can appreciate their beauty but nope, can't go there. So to assume that gay/lesbian people can change who they're attracted to is just wrong. If you're not hurting anyone, it's not illegal and it's all consensual, who cares who someone else loves. Besides, my bestie is gay and after hearing everything he's gone through in his life, I am committed to advocating for gay rights.

18. Where do you not mind waiting? I usually hate waiting anywhere, but unless I'm in a hurry and going to be late, I don't freak out about it. I have my phone which has the Kindle and Nook apps, so I always have something to read. I do hate waiting in traffic, especially when it's behind a bunch of fucktardian asshats who have to slow down to a crawl to rubberneck at a cop who's pulled someone over. This is why the fiance refuses to buy me a rocket launcher.

19. Does anyone really know you? The fiance knows me the best, as does my friend D and my bestie S. But there are some things that no one knows and probably never will because I'll never feel comfortable sharing it.

20. If you could project yourself into the past, were would you go? If I had the knowledge from today, I'd go back to 1989 and not get involved with my ex-fiance. My entire life and every choice I made from then on can be attributed to falling in love with him.

21. What is your most impressive fun skill? I'm pretty good at trivia and I can write with my toes. It's how I got my first date with my now ex-husband. Otherwise I'm pretty boring.

22. What is the best sports stadium/arena you have been to? Please. Fenway Park, no question. I literally cried the first time I went to a game there, so much history. Whenever we get the chance to go to Wrigley Field, that will be on the list too. I hate the new, plastic-feeling stadiums.

23. What would you refuse to do for one million dollars? Let a tarantula walk on me. Not even for a billion dollars. I'd be first onboard the Nope Train to Fuckthatville. Nope nope nope.

24. If you were home on a rainy Sunday afternoon, what movie would you want to see on television? Armageddon, Twister, Con Air, and the Green Mile. And Pretty Woman. Maybe the Goonies. Or the Indiana Jones trilogy (sorry, I don't consider that travesty with Shia Labeouf to be part of that series) or the Star Wars trilogy (again, the last, "first" three aren't worthy of consideration).

25. What historical figure would you most like to have a discussion with? Harry Truman, he seems like he had a very snarky sense of humor, a pretty good indication of an intelligent person. Or Freud. Just to see what he makes of me & how fucked up I am.

26. If you could close one fast food chain, due to disgusting food, what would you pick? McDonald’s. They’ve gone downhill in a very bad way since I worked there in high school. But the majority of fast food is pretty disgusting. The less of it eaten, the better.

27. What is something you really hate? Intolerance, racism, homophobia, hypocrisy, dishonesty, and manipulative people. And cilantro. I don't hate any food except cilantro. Yuck. And possibly oysters. Like giant boogers.

28. Who makes you laugh? My friend M has been able to make me laugh til I snort liquid out my nose for 30 years now. My bestie S also makes me laugh til I hurt. The fiance makes me laugh whenever he comes out with stuff that I would never expect him to say. For comedians, George Carlin was the king for making me laugh. I still miss that man.

29. If you could be on the cover of any magazine, what would you choose? Entertainment Weekly, with Stephen King, Chris Hemsworth, and George Clooney. Obviously I'd be starring in a movie adapted from a SK novel, with Chris and George as my co-stars.

30. What makes you really sleepy? Eating a carb-heavy meal. If I make a casserole with pasta for dinner, you can damn well guarantee I'll be falling asleep after dinner, watching TV with the fiance. I'm like an old man. Other than that, nothing makes me tired, which sucks.

31. What one thing annoys you most at a restaurant? The usual answer should be bad/slow service, but you have to be over-the-top bad to get us not going back there. What really bugs us are loud, screaming kids. When my boys were little, if they started getting loud in a restaurant, we'd take them outside til they calmed down. Today's parents don't even bother to shut their screaming brats up, they don't want to infringe upon their right to express themselves. And then they wonder why their little entitled brats aren't able to do anything for themselves when they're older. It's called consideration for other people, try it some time.

32. What do people do too much of today? Expect to get things the easy way instead of working for them. 99% of my cohort thinks they're just going to get an internship of their choice because they're worthy of it and no one has ever told them no in the past. Welcome to the real world, life doesn't work that way, and daddy can't buy your way into an internship of any quality.

33. Who did you have a crush on growing up? Les McKeown from the Bay City Rollers, then Scott Baio and Shaun Cassidy, then Andrew McCarthy, then John Taylor from Duran Duran, then Jimi Jamison from Survivor. With only two exceptions, all musicians. And Andrew McCarthy did play the bongos in St. Elmo's Fire, so there's that...

34. Are you a left or right leaning person? Definitely more left, but there are a couple of right issues that I believe in. Just a couple though. Any woman who leans too far right is only screwing herself and the rest of her gender over. Thanks for that!

35. How do you like to relax? Reading brain candy magazines (US magazine) or playing mindless games on FB. Decompressing, cheap, and mindless fun. Plus I like to kid myself that playing the games improves my eye-hand coordination and brain functioning, but really, they're free games on FB, how good can they be?

36. In what part of the world would you hate to be by yourself? Anywhere in the Middle East. Even though most of the people are decent human beings, the extremists who hate Americans kind of ruin it for everyone else.

37. To what would you like to devote more time? Actually working on my dissertation. If I can find a topic that I can actually write about for 80+ pages. Not having money or a vehicle kind of restricts my ability to travel to do research, so finding a topic that I can write a theoretical paper on is very difficult.

38. What would be the best thing about not having a sense of smell? Nothing would be good about that, the few bad smells are minute in comparison to the good ones. I mean, the smell of diesel exhaust, or someone's stinky BO are unfortunate, but weighed against smelling my slow-roasted chicken, or freshly cut grass, or a newly bathed baby - nope, I like being to smell, both the good and the bad.

39. What activity do you enjoy that excites you? Going to concerts and seeing bands on my bucket list, going to see the Eagles next month, then Def Leppard, Styx, Motley Crue, and .38 Special in August definitely excites me. Even though I've seen Def Leppard before, seeing them again will be awesome. And getting to see the Eagles, the #1 on my bucket list for decades, will probably be one of the highlights of my life. I've always loved bands with great harmonies, which all began with the Eagles. And ya gotta see the Crue at least once, and since they're retiring after this tour, it's now or never. Vince can't sing for shit anymore, but it's all about the theatrics and Tommy's drum solo.

40. What is the scariest scene you remember from a kid's movie? When Bambi's mother was shot. Holy fucking god, why would that be part of a kid's movie? That's traumatic to the nth degree. Another movie that had a traumatizing scene was Benji. Benji was shot and I was so sure he was dead, I made my mother take me out of the theater. I found out later that he survived the gunshot, but still. When you're 4, you take things literally.

41. Do you believe in God? I am 99.9% atheist. That .01% is reserved for what happens after we die. Atheists believe that when we die, that's it, while most religions believe in an afterlife. No one can say definitively what happens to us after we die, because no one has ever died then come back days/weeks/months/years later to enlighten us. I've been in the presence of people dying and you can absolutely tell when they've died, you can almost sense something leaving their bodies. Maybe it's their soul, or their energy, or whatever, but it's what makes us alive. But back to God. Nope, definitely not what is written in the Bible about him. He's a misogynistic, murderous bastard in the OT, and all peace and love in the NT. No one can have that much of a change of heart. Plus how insecure is this supposedly omnipotent being that he has to have us worshiping him 24/7. Dude, if I could create the entire universe, not having your little human creations sucking up to you shouldn't even be on your radar, unless you're wicked insecure. Right there is a major discrepancy. It's like us being pissed off that ants aren't worshiping us. We don't even think about ants, unless they're bothering us on a picnic or they've invaded our house, then we just want them gone. So nope, not a believer in God or anything that happened in the Bible.

42. Are you a racist? You haven’t been paying attention. I abhor racists. However...and this might brand me as being racist, I do believe that there are stereotypes for a reason, because that behavior was observed in enough people to become a stereotype. And when people live down to those stereotypes, displaying the worst type of behavior (for their or any race), is it racist to call them out on that behavior? If you want to overcome those stereotypes, stop displaying those behaviors. And again, this goes for every ethnicity. If you don't want to be called a backwoods hillbilly, don't be having sex with your sister and attempt to get an education. 

43. What is the greatest pain you have ever suffered? Losing our son Dominic 19 years ago. Nothing else has ever even come close. For physical pain, dislocating my knee many years ago. Horrible pain and the recovery time was a good 6 weeks.

44. If you could buy one object to complete your home, what would it be? A new sofa, with recliners at each end, so we could stretch out or cuddle, with room for the dogs. Gotta have room for the dogs, since they are definitely part of the family.

45. What was your favorite childhood game? Playing Charlie’s Angels with Vicki, Monica, Kirsten, and Julie. I was always Kelly, since she had long dark hair. Or going dumpster diving with my friend Jerrod, particularly the day after xmas. We sometimes found toys that had accidentally got thrown away, plus the big boxes were great for making forts and other cool stuff. 

46. Who is the most famous person you have ever met? Garth Brooks. The biggest selling country singer of all-time and one of the nicest guys you'll ever hope to meet. I've met quite a few musicians and actors, but he stands out as the most famous AND the nicest.

47. If fat, calories, cholesterol, etc were not an issue, what two foods would you feast on? I don’t limit myself now, I can’t feast on any one food without feeling icky. But for all-out calorie indulgances, Reese's Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory would be at the top of the list. That thing is SO good and so rich that I can only eat a slice over 2-3 days.

48. What are you most worried about in the future? Republicans continuing to push this country back to the Dark Ages when women have no rights and the rich control everything. Jobs are disappearing at an alarming rate, with nothing coming along to replace them, and I fear that the time to act without getting into physical violence has long-since passed. And, newsflash, if you're not in the 1%, and you vote Republican, you're only screwing yourself (and the rest of us). The tax-cuts that the Repub candidates are promising are only to the top 1%, so unless your income is in the 7 figures, that's not you. Vote for Bernie Sanders.

49. What is your favorite movie line or scene? Pretty Woman – “You’re late.” “You’re stunning.” “You’re forgiven.” Because that scene is where he falls in love with her and it always makes me cry. Or, the edited version of Snakes on a Plane – “That’s IT! I have had it with these monkey-biting snakes on this Monday-through-Friday plane!” Best edit EVER.

50. If you were directing a movie, who would you cast as your leading man and woman? Helen Mirren and Chris Hemsworth, some sort of action movie where she’s a British super spy and he’s just… perfect. She's just awesome and he's just...perfect.

51. If you had to dispose of a dead body, how would you do it? Remove the teeth and fingers so they couldn't be identified, then cut it up into very small pieces and melt it down using lime. Or if I had access to the swamps such as those in Florida, dump it out there. And never kill anyone that you can be linked to.

52. What do you wish you could do physically? Fly. I've had dreams where I could fly and the feeling was so freeing and fabulous that when I woke up, I was honestly saddened to learn it was only a dream.

53. What profession have you always admired? Teachers. WAY more patience then I could ever have, especially dealing with small children. Not to mention they are way underpaid for what they do. Babysitters/nannies make more than most teachers, which is just wrong. And while I love my favorite actors/musicians/athletes, I think they are so grossly overpaid it's not even remotely funny. $30,000,000 for a top pitcher in MLB? They literally pitch 32 games a season, once every 5 days, for 90 minutes at most. They're making close to a million dollars for each game they pitch. Or $10,415 a minute. 2-3 minutes pitching is what most people make in a year. If you don't find anything wrong with that, you're part of the problem. 

The perfect concert

Have you ever had the perfect (or near perfect) concert experience? And if so, has it ruined it for you to ever want to see that musician or band again? I've had two such experiences and they have kept me from seeing those musicians again, because how can you top perfection? 

The first one was Garth Brooks in 1993. He made an unscheduled stop in our little town, at a country bar, totally unadvertised except for the name of his original band before he made it big. Those of us who were long-time fans and knew background story saw the name of the band on the marquee and questioned it. Could it really be him? We called the bar and they confirmed that yes, it was Garth Brooks and he was going to be performing there later that night. We called everyone we knew and got our butts down to the club, where we got in for $5. FIVE DOLLARS to see Garth Brooks, who, at the time, was the biggest performer in the world. Walked into the main room and there he was, on the little stage where the country cover bands performed every week, just a few feet away. Surreal. He and his band performed for well over two hours, talking to the crowd between songs, and having the time of his life. After the show was over, he stayed until after 2am, signing autographs and meeting the almost 1,000 people who showed up. He's taller than I thought. When I got up in line to meet him, he spent a few minutes talking to me, asking me about what music I liked, and sharing that he loved a lot of the same rock bands I did - KISS, Billy Joel, Motley Crue... His first wife Sandy was there as well, she was pregnant with their oldest daughter and seeing her made him seem more real, more human. Because of this experience, I have loved Garth Brooks (even more) and respected him as an artist and a human being.

My second experience was with the band KISS in 1996. I had seen them previously, in 1990, when they weren't wearing makeup and it wasn't the original lineup. That show was not memorable, as they left out many of their classic hits - Detroit Rock City, Christine, Sixteen, and Beth. But this time it was the original four members, and they were back in their iconic makeup. Our seats sucked, we were back in the nosebleed section of the auditorium, but with the big screens, we could see everything. But that's not what made it memorable. One of my all-time favorite songs is Beth. It is so simple yet so beautiful. Even my mother, who hated KISS liked it (she didn't know it was them, otherwise I'm sure she would've deemed Beth to be a Satan worshiping groupie). Anywho, we're about 2 hours into the show and they still haven't played Beth. I'm starting to get upset, this can't be happening twice. Then they finish up a song and the entire band walks off-stage. Not like the end of a set walk-off, they just stopped playing and left the stage. People were so stunned they didn't even start chanting like the crowd does before an encore. It was like, umm...what's going on...? Then a stagehand brings out a milking stool and places it in the middle of the stage. Ok, even more peculiar. Suddenly the strings in the beginning of Beth begin to swell, and out walks Peter Criss. He sits down on the stool and starts to sing Beth. I started to cry I was so thrilled. It was perfect. Just Peter and that song. 

Both of these experiences were many years ago, but I can still remember them in perfect detail. So when I see that KISS - or more accurately, Paul and Gene and two random guys in Peter & Ace's makeup - is on tour, or that Garth Brooks is going to be near me in concert, I have no desire to go. I don't want a subpar experience marring the memory of those two perfect moments in time.